i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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