Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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