worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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