JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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