.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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