3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
