I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
