Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
