She just used a chaser for red wine.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
