Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
