No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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