smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
