I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
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