U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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