Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
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I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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