I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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