I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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