hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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