and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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