I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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