I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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