You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
