How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
not ubering you a puppy
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