he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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