Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
