I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
