everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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