This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
