I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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