we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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