I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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