On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
