Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
