someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
