Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
