So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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