so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
