glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
