apparently the secret to your success is patron
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
