he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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