I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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