I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
