the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
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It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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