Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
