Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
