i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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