when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
