Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
