why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
