Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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