I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
