I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
