ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
