i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
