saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
