i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
