Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
