So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
