Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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