In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
