my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
