He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
