My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
