Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Randomize
