wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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