I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We have started to decorate penises.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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