i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
