It's Friday. Sex?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
