I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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