I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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