Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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