i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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