god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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