I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
