3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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