Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All I want is dick and wine.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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