i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
