I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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