apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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