dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
