i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
