Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
