I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
