I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Two words: nipple clamps
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