Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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