My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
