Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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