So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
