I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize