I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
