Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
